The NFL Draft is my unofficial 2nd birthday. I live for it, and normally park my happy ass in front of a TV for 3 days and soak up all of the hype and verbal diarrhea that is spewed by all of the talking heads. The coverage is over the top and most of the players will turn into afterthoughts or trivia questions, but it’s a holiday for NFL fans. Plus, it’s always comical to see just how glutenous Chris Berman has gotten.
But as much as I live for this weekend, I cannot stand the wasted energy that goes into mock drafts. I know the age we live in allows anyone to have a voice, but I can’t go anywhere on the web without seeing someone’s mock draft 12.0 or why they think the Vikings want to trade out of the #3 spot. It’s gotten to the point where I’m convinced that people who do mock drafts all copy off each other after the first two picks. If you do a full 7 round mock, that tells me you don’t get laid much.
The way the coverage has been, we’re pretty much assured of how the top picks will shake out, except for the Rams at #6 (expect Justin Blackmon to go there if Matt Kalil isn’t on the board), and the always clueless Jags at #7 (who cares who they take? They don’t matter).
I would love to be in the war room with teams as they prepare for the draft and purposely drop hints as to the player they’re “targeting” with their pick. The amount of misinformation that’s been thrown out there is at an all-time high, but that doesn’t stop the “experts” from forming an opinion that “team X is leading towards taking player Y.” Totally, because you know what a team in the 20′s is going to do.
That’s almost as annoying as Todd McShay and Mel Kiper arguing again about the ceiling for Ryan Tannehill (who is a bum in training just so you know). Wait, the two know-it-alls are staging another heated argument?! That never happens! Cool, I’ll put it on. Blow me.
Another form of high comedy is when the “mockers” have a player slipping because “they didn’t interview well.” When was this, at the Combine when teams meet with guys for 48 seconds? Or, was it when teams brought player X in for a visit. Were you there? Did he show up hungover or high as shit? And don’t you just think teams might leak something negatively about a player in hopes he falls to them?
Can’t you just imagine Lovie Smith, Phil Emery & the Bears brass sitting in Lake Forest laughing their asses off at the talking head ass-bags on the radio, newspapers, blogs & online sites that are plugging certain players into their 19th pick. It is all so insipidly stupid that I can’t believe people waste energy trying to piece this puzzle together. Not that Emery gives two fucks what I think, but here’s hoping the Bears end up with DE Quinton Coples, DE Chandler Jones, DE Whitney Mercilus or OT Johnathan Martin.
What’s worse is the guy on the internet with “sources” who will say that this team is targeting this player if he gets past that team blah blah blah. Really? How the fuck would you know? Not many had the 49ers taking Aldon Smith at #7 last year, the Titans taking Jake Locker at #8 or the Vikings taking Christian Ponder at #12 last year. Why? Because those teams let out garbage that they were going in other directions.
So go ahead and read a mock draft for the 42nd day in a row. By all means, don’t let me stop you. If you feel compelled, do me one favor… Stay away from the even more mind numbingly idiotic post draft grades. Because you know, it’s always brilliant to place grades on a draft when players haven’t even been fitted for their helmets yet. But by all means, give a team a D because you’re the Bill Walsh of this generation.