We’ve all been there. No matter what the setting, you’ve at some point been caught in the direct sight line of someone that makes you wish you were in the middle of a root canal. It’s impossible to avoid unless you’re a complete hermit who only leaves the house to buy booze, weed, smokes and/or food. The awkwardness of seeing people you either can’t stand, who refuse to shut up once they get rolling, are ruthlessly boring, can’t wait to tell you about their new job or why they just got fired, those you know don’t care for you either but feel compelled to grin fuck you and say hello or the fakes who will put on a wretched acting performance while grilling you on questions you know they’ll forget the second this nightmare ends.
Holy shit, how did you know I wanted to hear about a big sale you made yesterday?!
The unavoidable awkwardness is a problem. The gym is filled with these type of landmines, and it’s why you’ll always see me with my headphones on pretending to be oblivious to anything within a hundred yards. You can’t get a lift in without someone racing over to tell you about their new TV, or ask you what you did the night before (it’s probably drinking related. And yes, it’s more exciting than hanging pictures with the wife or whatever lame dinner party you attended).
If they’re not trying to live vicariously through you, they’ll probably wave you over as they stand half naked in the locker room. No thanks, bro, but I’ll happily ignore you on my way to the car.
Restaurants and bars are notorious for the awkward run-in also. It’s inevitable that someone you haven’t seen since high school or college will drunkenly stumble up to you and yell noise to the point where you slam your drink just to walk to the bar and escape the utter silliness that this person is laying on you.
If you think that I haven’t walked to the other end of the bar or dipped the scene completely when I know eye contact could ruin my next 45 minutes, you’re sadly mistaken. That might seem like a dick move, but if you’ve ever been cock blocked by a drunken idiot who wants to talk Bears despite the hot girl you’ve been talking to all night, you understand.
Oh, so you do know what I’m talking about? Acting like you never saw that person in the first place sounds pretty good then, doesn’t it?
The weird and awkward first date is even worse than avoiding going to the bathroom, because you’ll walk by a guy who wants to introduce you to his wife and bore you to tears about his new lawnmower. Wait, it’s a riding mower too?! That’s fantastic! Hey, do you have a chain by chance? Yeah? Awesome, because I’d rather you tie me to this mower and drag me on the street for six blocks before hearing more about it.
The first date debacles are a total bummer, and why playing the “yeah, meet out us” card is always the way to go. It’s not as easy as avoiding the grin fuck girl at the bar, because you’ve committed yourself to a few hours of potential misery. “Babe, of course I want to hear about your work drama and how you hate every other girl you work with. But before you make my ears bleed… I mean get into that, let me shoot to the bathroom real quick. Oh, and can you order me a double before I get back? Thanks, girl.
It’s easy for me because I can bullshit my way through stories and laugh to pretend interested. Will I bitch and complain about why I even asked the girl out for hours after? Of course, but it doesn’t make the experience any less of a train wreck.
You have to be savvy, smart & have the ability to bullshit people to not only have success in life, but be able to avoid the situations where you know you’ll regret after. Sure, the occasional conversation is worth the few minutes and there are still a few women out there worth the time to try and get drunk, but successfully avoiding the awkwardness of people you aren’t in the mood to deal with is such an under appreciated gift.