It is getting to the point that when I simply look at Dwyane Wade, I want to step through my tv and knock him out. Somehow, the conniving little rat continues to find new ways to make an ass of himself. As the “Heatles” retreat back to South Beach to find their talents, Wade is somehow absolved of any vitriol from the media despite constantly acting like jerk-off both on & off the floor. Wade is a top 25 player ever player, but his diva act makes my skin crawl.
I get it, LeBron James has disappeared in these NBA finals to the point that I have been calling him LeBron Starks. 11 points in five 4th quarters for James is making ESPN look worse than one of their employees sexts pictures of their wang. In case you didn’t know, James is 0-7 from the floor with 0 points, 0 boards, & 2 dimes with less than 5 minutes left & the score within 5 points of these finals. Stay hot, king. That’s not why I called, however. You can read LeBron hate anywhere today, and honestly, he isn’t my most hated player in the association anymore. I know, I’m shocked too.
No, that distinct honor belongs to D Wade. The guy who has a spot on Ari Gold’s client list the second he retires from the league. D Flop is my new name for the former “fall 7 times get up 8″ asshole. Make no mistake, Wade ate his ’06 vitamins and has been the Heat’s best & most reliable player in this series.
However, the bitching to the refs, flopping, making fun of Dirk Nowitzki for being sick (watch the video above to see the real D Flop), staring down fans after an and-1, posing after 3′s, more bitching, & now a hip “injury” with fake grimaces and a gangster limp that he milks until he drives to the hoop.
Spare me, Dwyane. I buy that “injury” almost as much as I bought your idea of joining the Bulls last July. You are to tough what Paris Hilton is to fuckable. Leave it to the biggest flopper in this series(good for the refs for not buying it in game 5) to get “injured” when he flopped after running into The Custodian in the 1st quarter. If you missed the first 347 takes of Wade’s flopping(someone should make a YouTube compilation of all of them), you will see plenty more in game 6.
Wade limped to the bench with a grimace on his face as if someone shot him in the knee. Allow me to call bullshit on Mr. Hollywood. Somewhere between Wade’s brilliant ’06 finals performance(damn, I loved that Wade) & banging Gabrielle Union, Wade has morphed into an egotistical prima donna who is as dependent on officials bailing him out, as he is on his all world ability. It’s a shame, because Wade didn’t used to believe that he pissed holy water.
“I don’t talk about injuries — it was unfortunate I had to leave the game, but I came back and finished,” Wade said. “Once you’re on the court, you’re on the court. I don’t have no excuses. I’m smart enough to play the game without obviously being 100 percent. That’s all I did when I came back.”
That’s fine, Dwyane, don’t talk about your hip contusion. Instead, let me talk about how at one point of game 5, you had 12 free throw attempts in 25 minutes played. Did that stop you from whining like a spoiled child every time you drove to the hoop once you made your “let me milk this “injury” so I can have my MJ flu game” moment? Of course it didn’t. Why? Because you are a entitled self congratulating cocksucker who always thinks your fouled. Nice work. Oh, and you really looked hurt when you scored 10 points & dished out 3 dimes in the final 12 minutes. I’ll give you one thing, you are a better actor than Vinny Chase.
Real Quick: If the Heat lose this series, the turning point will forever be Wade’s MJ like pose after a 3 that put them up 15 with 7 minutes left in game 3. Despite being the 3rd best shooting guard I’ve ever seen (behind only MJ & Kobe), this would be how we would define Wade’s 2011 finals. When you act like you already knocked out your opponent, you better be sure he won’t get up like Buster Douglas and leave you looking for your mouthpiece. No pressure, Dwyane.
The beauty of the NBA finals(and the SuperBowl & World Series) is that you see player’s at their best and most vulnerable. There is nothing like the pressure of this moment, just ask your running buddy. #6 hates the 4th quarter of Jordan Time much like he apparently hates Rogaine. These last two rounds of the playoffs have showcased your insane ability, but they have also given the casual fan a reason to say, “damn, that Wade guy sure does bitch a lot.” Congrats Dwyane, you have turned my mother into a Wade hater and she hardly ever watches the NBA.
I’m not done. I want you to know that to Chicago, you are this generations Isiah Thomas to D Rose’s Michael Jordan. You are from here, but you aren’t one of us. In fact, I don’t many people who look at you the same way they used to. And to me, you’ll forever be a manipulative little ass-bag in desperate need of a new tampon.
This commercial is for you, Hollywood. This cat is the real gem of Chicago…
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