This fool would never have won a Tour de France if it wasn't for performance enhancing drugs.

There are certain things in life you wait anxiously for. The anticipation of a big game or a must see movie–the countdown to a concert or show that you have planned, a vacation to get away from the everyday bullshit that you deal with. For some guys, it’s the wait to finally bang that hot girl you’ve been chasing for a few weeks. Notice how I said weeks, not months. If you’re some sap chasing & spending money on some broad with the sole intent of getting her into bed, stop. You pussy mother fucker, stop! Chances are she is playing your stupid ass to get free shit from you.

For me, anticipation includes the long wait for spring, Dr. Dre finally releasing Detox, the NFL Draft, the 49ers finding a quarterback, seeing Derrick Rose lead the Bulls to an NBA championship, seeing Jim Hendry drive his car into a pole, hoping Jen Aniston stops her Alfonso Soriano type bad movie drought & every Packers fan being crammed into Lambeau right before they light that dump on fire.

Some of my favorite days as a sports fan were/will be when Barry Bonds was indicted & when Mark McGwire doesn’t get elected to baseball’s hall of fame. Cynical, I know. You see, I hate cheaters. I cannot wait for there to be a test for human growth hormone so the balloon heads in the NFL can be exposed. The wait continues…..

There is, however, good news. The myth of Lance Armstrong is about to be exposed. Thank God!!! Sports Illustrated goes into great detail this week about new information that will show all of those yellow bracelet wearing c… bags just how fake their cycling hero really was.

According to SI, agents have been looking into whether Armstrong was involved in an organized doping operation as a member of the team sponsored by the U.S. Postal Service from 1999 to 2004.  Since August, the grand jury has been hearing testimony from Armstrong’s associates and confidants. Also from the story, “If a court finds that Armstrong won his titles while taking performance-enhancing drugs, his entourage may come to be known as the domestiques of the saddest deception in sports history.”

Excuse me for a second as I fist pump like DJ Pauly D in pure jubilation…..Thank you.

Apparently in the late 90′s, the blood doper got his hands on a drug called HemAssist. This drug was used in cases of extreme blood loss. In animal studies, it had been shown to boost the blood’s oxygen-carrying capacity, without as many risks as EPO(another drug the cheater has denied taking).

SI goes into greater detail of just how big of rat this supposed “hero” really is. You can’t see me, but I have an Eddie Murphy sized grin on my face right now. I hope that this news hits all the Livestrong douchebags who praised this guy for surviving cancer & winning the Tour de France 7 times. Guess what, you cult following sheep? He cheated his way to every last one of those wins. He isn’t a hero, he is piece of garbage who needs to be exposed for the fake he always was.

This is a guy who broke up with Sheryl Crow just as she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stay classy, syringe boy. I might still be waiting on that Detox album by Dr. Dre, but finally one of the biggest lies in sports history is being brought to light. Sometimes, the wait is the hardest part. But when you get there, it can be, oh, so gratifying.

The Suntimes is reporting today that Jay Cutler & his girfriend/who-er Kristin Cavallari “don’t want to have a Jessica Simpson problem.” Basically, Kristin Cav doesn’t want to distract the Bears quarterback from trying to lead his team to a SuperBowl championship. Here’s the reality check…..Of course, she won’t be a distraction. Why? Because she’s a nobody who will never again date a bigger star than Cuttles. She needs to milk this relationship because it’s the only way her irrelevant ass will remain in the spotlight.

Even the beautiful Minka Kelly probably thinks LeBron James is a penis.

Don’t cringe, but LeBron James’ self loving ass is recreating “The LeBrons” into an animated series. When will this, mercifully, stop? This guy is becoming more known for what he does off the court than what he does for the Heatles. The 4 different “LeBrons” will send a stay in school & stay away from drugs message. That’s great and all, but it underscores the truth about LeBron. One, he is more concerned with off the court tv shows than beating the Celtics. Two, he is obsessed with making everything about him(see the Heat’s team bus name….LeBus. You can’t make this shit up). In that asshole’s head, we’re all living in the King’s world. I wonder if one the episodes will talk about how the biggest force of nature the NBA has ever seen still hasn’t won a championship?

When will this Carmelo Anthony trade drama come it’s merciful end? It is now being reported that the Nuggets & Nets cannot come to an agreement on “the framework” of a deal. I bet I called bullshit before you did. The Nets continue to not show a backbone in these talks. Whatever the Nuggets want, the Nets say yes to. They are like the desperate ugly girl at 2am looking for any guy that will take them home. Remember when Mikhail Prokhorov was going to take the NBA by storm? He is proving to be a more useless version of Mark Cuban. Here is a Stacey King memo to Prokorhov & Jay-Z: You are still the same sorry Nets. No star player wants anything to do with going to east coast version of the Clippers. And that includes Carmelo Anthony. At least Prokhorov showed some dignity & pulled the plug on the Melo talks. This is the first productive thing the Ivan Drago of sports owners has done for the lowly Nets.

I can’t lie to you, I am a fan of the Khloe Kardashian-Lamar Odom thing. Khloe is the only Kardashian woman I can stomach, & Lamar is one of my favorite players in the league. So, I have to mention what the Lakers’ candy man said about his wife. “”I was kind of surprised at how intelligent she was,” Odom, 31, told Playboy’s February issue. “You don’t know what to expect. Next thing I know I’m spending every day with her. We just hit it off.” It’s cool, Lamar, I wouldn’t have guessed she was smart either. At least I know that Kim is as smart as a rock.

If you haven’t seen what Raiders owner Al Davis looks like, holy shit don’t bother looking. Davis introduced new coach Hue Jackson yesterday & I was waiting for Davis to keel over at any moment. Tales from the Crypt might not be a harsh enough name for the worst owner in the NFL. I’m setting the over/under at April 1st for Al’s passing. Who’s taking the over? That’s what I thought.

Have you checked out my 2011 WWE Royal Rumble preview yet? What?! How dare you. Anyway, the WWE Championship match for that event is Randy Orton challenging The Miz. Yes, that Miz from MTV. The Miz has risen to superstar level in the WWE, and the Rumble will be his biggest match to date. So who do I think will walk out of Boston with the gold? The best in the business, that’s who…..

Remember when Vince Vaughn was funny? I won’t see “The Dilemma” because it reminds me of how Vinny Boy has so quickly lost his fast ball. It’s like seeing Lance Armstrong do the Tour de France without being hopped on every PED imaginable. Well, I miss funny Vince Vaughn. I don’t like that he has become the comedy version of the Cubs. So, let’s remember him when he was at the peak of his comedic powers, shall we?

Remember, it’s not even so much me, it’s Roenick. He’s good.

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