Before I head out of town for the holiday weekend with G-Unit, My sis, and JJ, I wanted to get some things off my chest. To know me is to know I’m fairly opinionated, and with a lot going on I needed to vent a little bit. When I know I’m not going to be around my laptop or iPhone for a few days, I get anxious. It’s like taking away my two lifelines. Like Mike Singletary said…..”Can’t do it.” I love technology, what can I say? So, before I go on my mini vacation to Lake Geneva for the weekend, here are a few things that are on my mind. Yes, I will get to Gary Coleman. You just have to read on for a while.
Chris Bosh: I love Twitter for many reasons. You can get your thoughts and ideas out to anyone anywhere in the world, you can interact with athletes and celebrities, and you get a glimpse of how stars live their lives. It’s fantastic….don’t know what I’d do without it. I loved seeing a Bulls target tweet this Friday afternoon….”Enjoying waking up after 1 while I still can. Sleeping in is awesome. Anything interesting happen today?” You have to love a guy who will demand $120 plus million dollar 6 year contract sleeping in until 1 o’clock. Meanwhile, guys like Kevin Durant are tweeting 5 hours earlier about the workout he just had, working on taking contact, and improving his mid range game. It freaks me out when a “max” player like Bosh is sleeping in like I did in college. I like Bosh’s game. I want him here with LeBron this summer to make the Bulls a dynasty again. But, I’m nervous that what some are saying about him is true….If he’s so good, why do the Raptors miss the playoffs every year? I’d still take him, but he’s not the “put you over the top” guy.
The Cubs Love Affair With Guest Singers For The 7th Inning Stretch: Watching the game today, I was subjected to Bears softy, Greg Olsen, performing yet another nails on the chalkboard rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”….This whole thing is partially what pisses me off about the Cubs. I don’t need to hear athletes, actors, High School sports teams, and whoever else they parade to Clark and Addison sing the song. It was cool right after Harry Caray died, but seriously Cubs, still? It would be my first recommendation to new owner Tom Ricketts. Stop the guest singer nonsense. It’s pointless, annoying and uncomfortable. Speaking of uncomfortable…….If they must keep bringing in people who are only there to promote some bad movie or tv show (this excludes a real Cubs fan like Jeff Garlin), do not let them sit in with Len and Bob or Pat and Ron. Santo has no idea what day it is anyway and the last thing he needs is to try and ask questions to Kelly F-ing Pickler or seem interested with what the local high school track state champs have to say. Poor Bob Brenly. The look on his face when some asshat who doesn’t know a baseball from a football is sitting there talking about their upcoming awful movie that will be on DVD quicker than Willy Mays Hays’ action flick in Major League 2. Mclovin? Really Cubs? Get your sh*t together. I don’t know what’s worse, having to listen to Mclovin in the booth or going to see Sex and The City 2? Both are an awful time.
As long as we are on the Cubs….Carlos Zambrano will be going back to the starting rotation because……because……I have no idea why, other than the fact he makes $18 million dollars. As I wrote last week, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if fat-ass was tanking his relief appearances on purpose because he was put in a role he wanted nothing to do with. Good luck trading that guy Jim Hendry. Oh wait, you’re the guy who gave his lazy ass a full no-trade to begin with. Let’s move on before I go all Ultimate Warrior on my condo.
Dwayne Wade: This is the story that almost got an entire article. I was pissed off at Dwyane Wade for saying the Bulls aren’t loyal to their former players. Really D Wade?! Someone needs to get Wade off of Gabrielle Union and tell him the facts. The Bulls are loyal to a fault. Ask Jay Williams about loyalty. The former Bulls guard wrapped himself around a light pole and destroyed his career. That ended his career as well as opened the door to the Bulls drafting Kirk Hinrich. Not a happy day in my Bulls world. The Bulls could have said Williams voided his contract, but they kept Williams on medical insurance through his surgeries even though they knew he’d never play again. Bob Love has a bad case of Gout and hasn’t walked in 3 weeks. Jerry Reinsdorf and the Bulls called around, and have put him in a hospital until he gets better. They flew Bill Cartwright all over the world to search for the best doctors to fix his larynx. Former players John Paxson, Bill Wennington, B.J. Armstrong, Stacey King, Johnny “Red” Kerr, and Norm Van Lier all were, or are a part of, the organization. The Bulls created a job for Randy Brown when he was down and out on his luck. Wade’s ignorant ass was referring to Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. He must not know the Bulls signed and traded Pippen to Houston after the ’98 title run (where he wanted to go) to make sure he got the most money he could (5 year $68.75 million dollar deal. $23 million more than the Rockets could have given him). Jordan? Apparently Wade must not see the statue outside the United Center. He must also have forgotten the Bulls paid MJ $30 million for the ’96-’97 season and $36 million for the ’97-’98 season. Not exactly chump change. This bothers me because the Bulls fight this image problem that is an absolute joke. Know the facts D Wade before you open your mouth. 20 bucks this a Pat Riley ploy to discourage LeBron James from signing with the Bulls. Sorry boys, that won’t stop The King from coming to Chicago. Wade is also upset that he is stuck in Miami’s “never going to win big again” situation. He’s going through a nasty divorce, he wants the extra $30 million on a 6 year deal, and he knows one “max” free agent won’t make that rag tag team a contender. It is pure ignorance or sabotage on Chicago’s supposed hometown hero. Here’s a memo to you D Wade……STAY IN MIAMI.
Gary Coleman: Arnold Jackson has passed away and I have to mention him. I’m mentioning him because I grew up watching Different Strokes. I loved his phrase “What you talkin bout Willis?!” He led a troubled life that most childhood actors live. Coleman was charged with assault, cited with misdemeanor disorderly conduct, and domestic violence. The highlight of his life after his early television success might have been finishing 8th out of 135 in the 2003 California recall election. It was quite the life Arnold lived. R.I.P. Even though you were a scumbag.
Joe West: We go from a troubled individual to a fat piece of garbage. Umpire Joe West doesn’t just have a publicist, he also has a country music CD. That must be great. I’d rather listen to Woody Paige rant about nothing relevant. The” look at me umpire” is facing fines and or suspension for his antics. He criticized the length of Red Sox-Yankees games, he threw out White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and Mark Buehrle, and he set a record for most Krispy Kreme donuts consumed in an hour time frame. I made the last one up, but it’s entirely possible. This sack of lard is a huge reason why I hate officials in any sport. Don’t try and make the games about you. We don’t care about you, we don’t want to see your chins wiggle as you throw a guy out of a game, and we don’t pay money to see you put on your act. Go away, and stay away, slim.
Side Note: Who is the least important guy that has a publicist– the Lakers DJ Mbenga or Joe West? If these two have a publicist, I should have one. Where is Vinny Chase’s publicist Shauna when you need her?!
Ron Artest: Oh Ron Ron. He was on the verge of being a Lakers goat when he jacked up a 3 pointer early in the shot clock with a minute remaining. At that moment, Kobe had a look on his face I’ve only seen on Rocky when he was training for Drago or on Wilbur Marshall anytime he played football. Artest redeemed himself when he followed a Kobe miss as time expired to give the Lakers the win and a 3-2 lead in the Western Conference Finals. Artest’s post game interview with Craig Sager will be a YouTube sensation. “You just gotta play basketball” Artest said when questioned of his rushed 3 pointer. You’re right Ron, you just gotta play basketball. He also gave us this…..”Queensbridge in the building”…..Yes, there is only one Ron Artest. I’m going to miss him when he retires. Give it up for Queensbridge!!!
Mike Brown: The former Cavs head coach was fired because if the Cavs have any hope of keeping LeBron, he had to go. LeBron didn’t come out and say it, but Brown was a dead man walking. He’s on my mind because there are some idiots in the media who think he’s a good coach. As Chad Ochocinco says….child, please. I could coach LeBron. Don’t tell me about his 272-138 record. Don’t tell me he was the ’09 NBA coach of the year. He stuck to his ways and played walk it up basketball when he had the biggest athletic freak the NBA has ever seen. Good call, Mike. The D-League awaits your arrival.
St. Louis Cardinal Fans: I’m going to make this short because I hate this fan base as much as I hate Packers and Knicks fans. Take your jean short wearing, mouth breathing, Winnebago driving, trailer park living carcasses off some place. You, as a fan base, make me sick. I can’t look at you without the thought of vomiting everywhere. Go light another vigile for one of your players. Cardinal fans NEED to love their players. It’s like a sick cult where they live and die with whoever wears that uniform. Have fun with that.
Oh Yeah, The Stanley Cup Finals: Before I roll out of town for the weekend, I need to give my Blackhawks vs Flyers prediction. The Hawks are on a roll. They have the 3rd best player in the NHL (Jonathan Toews), a scorching hot goalie (Antti Niemi), and a team that is deeper and more skilled than their Philly counterpart. Hawks fans have waited 49 years for this moment. What’s another 2 weeks? Hawks in 6.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend everyone….