Heat-Bulls Running Blog

I, normally, wouldn’t focus on a Miami Heat vs Chicago Bulls game in March, but tonight is extra special. The one and only Charles Barkley is in the house that Jordan built to call the TNT broadcast with Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith. I love how the best studio sports show spreads their wings and calls a game. I just hope that the game lives up to it. I have my doubts, however, because well, this is a Vinny Del Negro coached team. The Bulls are stuck in NBA hell, and, as a fan, it drives me Amy Winehouse crazy. I have been advocating that the Bulls need to lose as many games as possible, miss the LeBron beatdown they would receive in round 1, get in the lottery, get lucky ( hopefully) in the lottery, and draft one of the premier college players coming out. It’s too much to ask to think the Bulls would luck into a top 3 pick ( Wall, Turner, Favors), but it worked for The Orlando Magic when they won the lottery in ’92 and ’93. Instead, the Bulls brought back Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah to make a frantic push for the playoffs. Whatever. Anyway, let’s pick up the action after Bulls PA announcer Tommy Edwards nearly faints announcing the Bulls starting lineup……

Pre-Tip: EJ points out that Kenny Smith and Charles were a combined 0-8 at the United Center. Ah, the Jordan years…..Still pre-game, and Barkley is giving Vinny a public vote of confidence. Please stop Chuck, I like you too much to hear that come out of your mouth. Vinny needs more than that to come back next year. He needs naked pictures of somebody in the Bulls front office to have any kind of prayer of returning in 2010.

Tip-off: The least athletic jump ball in NBA history between Brad Miller and Jermaine O’Neal. Bulls win the tap, and James Johnson immediately turns it over on a bad pass to Kirk Hinrich….And here we go. Jumper O’Neal. 2-0 Heat as Brad Miller’s cement feet prevent him from closing out on J.O.

11:19 left in 1st: Rose hits an angle jumper. 2-2. Rose’s jumper has gotten so good you can’t leave him any space within 20 feet.At this exact moment, Luol Deng is only 87% healthy which means there is zero chance he gave any thought to playing tonight.

9:00 left in 1st: Michael Beasley just picked up his 2nd foul, and looks as though he smoked his 2nd joint about 25 minutes before the game. If he isn’t high, he is the new Tracy McGrady. Beasley looks like he’ll never live up to the hype of the 2nd pick of the draft. Just think, some people wanted Beasley over Rose.

6:38 left in 1st: Another O’Neal jumper. He is torching Brad Miller right now. 8 points for O’Neal already and Miller looks like he’s gotten hit by a Mike Tyson left hook. Does O’Neal not realize he’s old, slow and bad? 10-10 tie.

6:16 left in 1st: James Johnson breaks into his summer league mode and bricks a 16 footer on a 1 on 3 break. I love Johnson’s raw ability, but he has the basketball IQ of Kwame Brown.

We are back from a timeout and TNT’s Craig Sager, whose whole look of wearing loud suits keeps gets more painful by the game, is showing Barkley 3 different kinds of pizza. Barkley claims he doesn’t eat pizza. Sure Chuck, whatever you say. There has to be a reason that he weighs 360 pounds. I need to find out Chuck’s diet.

TNT should think of having Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson broadcast games more often. Barkley made the Heat-Bulls snooze fest enjoyable.

2:55 left in 1st: Back from commercial, and the Chuckster has a sombrero on trying to speak Spanish. How does this man not have his own reality TV show?! Who wouldn’t watch Barkley, unplugged, on Comedy Central? You would, I know it. We’ve also just learned that he doesn’t like deep dish pizza. Kenny can’t believe it, and Barkley calls him numb nuts. This guy is unintentionally funny…..The best kind of funny. Barkley’s a thin crust guy. Huh, who knew? 21-14 Heat.

1:47 left in 1st: Charles can’t figure out why the Bulls aren’t good in half court sets. Um Charles, it’s because Vinny Del Negro coaches them.

End of 1st quarter: Heat 31-19 and I’m having a hard time staying awake. It’s like watching every episode of this season’s American Idol.

Start of 2nd quarter: Charles interviews Heat coach Erik Spoelstra. Barkley is asking fine questions, but he isn’t holding the microphone anywhere near Spoelstra. You only know what the Heat coach is saying if you are a lip reader. This is pure comedy. Barkley is reminded that it is a 2 question limit in the pointless mid game coach interview. He asks “who in the hell came up with a 2 question limit? The NBA Charles. “What in the hell do they know?” Great point Charles.

10:51 left in 2nd: Mr. “I’m always open and I’m shooting” Jannero Pargo is in. Pargo is captain of the “I think I’m good, but I really suck” team. Over/under on shots for him in this quarter is 5. Any takers? I knew you’d take the over.

8:54 left in 2nd: Joakim Noah responds to Barkley calling him his favorite player in the NBA, and how much it humbles him. I used to rag on Noah and thought he was a wasted pick, but he is one of my favorite players in the league. If he’s not on your team, you probably hate him. When he’s on your team, you can’t help but to root for him.

5:59 left in 2nd: There it is, a Jannero Pargo no rim, all backboard brick that shakes the UC. How is this guy in the NBA? I could find 573 guys in local gyms better than this guy. 44-28 Heat. This is becoming 2001 Bulls- like. Oy Vey.

Side Note: Dwyane Wade has broken the record for longest stint in an NBA game without breaking a sweat. This isn’t the way to impress the free agent to be. Nice work Bulls, way to come through.

Side Note II: The Bulls team defense is atrocious. No communication at all. They look like they can’t wait to get this season over with. Join the club boys.

3:58 left in 2nd: Another Pargo miss.He’s one of the worst 5 players in the NBA. I can’t be told different.

1:43 left in 2nd: Barkley asks “Is today Thursday?” This broadcast keeps getting better. God bless Sir Charles.

1.3 seconds left in 2nd: Dwyane Wade hits a jumper in Hinrich’s face. Wade completely controlled the 1st half despite playing at an All-Star effort level. 63-33 Heat at the half. This is worse than American Idol, even the Miley Cyrus episode. This is Sopranos season 4 bad. I need a drink……or three.

Start of 3rd quarter: TNT shows a stat that this is the first time since 1980 that the Bulls have trailed by 30 at home at the half. Only the Bulls….Only the Bulls….Only the one and only Chi-ca-go Bulls. UGH.

8:27 left in 3rd: We get a sneak peak into Barkley’s diet. He took everyone to Gibson’s Steakhouse the night before the game. As former Indians manager, Lou Brown, once famously said….”It’s startin to come together Pepper, startin to come together.” I hope Chuck didn’t run into Chicago 2nd biggest ass-bag Mike North (Oprah is ass-bag number 1) there. In case you forgot about the Affliction wearing douche, he’s the guy who once said Luol Deng was a top 5 player in the NBA. Yep, that’s the guy. 67-39 Heat and beer number 2 is going down nice.

7:06 left in 3rd: Hey, somebody found Kirk Hinrich! He actually makes a jumper to pull the Bulls back within 30. 72-42 Heat. I met this moment with….”Oh, so he is playing tonight.”

6:03 left in 3rd: Barkley gives us this gem after a sweet Rose floater….”Derrick Rose got some game, ya’ll”. Thanks Chuck, glad you’re here. 74-44 Heat.

5:44 left in 3rd: Having seen enough bad Bulls basketball, Chuck has a plan. He wants to have the studio crew do the rest of the game so they can “Get the hell outta here.” I can’t blame him, The Westminster Dog Show is a better watch than this garbage. 76-44 Heat. No, that’s not a misprint.

11:54 left in 4th: Barkley calls Chicago the best summer city in the world, but he wishes he was back in the studio so he “could watch other stuff.”86-49 Heat.

9:47 left in 4th: You know it’s bad when the Bulls have Hakeem Warrick, Jannero Pargo, Flip Murray, Acie Law, and Chris Richard on the floor at the same time. The 2010 Wheaton Park District Basketball Champs could beat that lineup. You better believe I just gave a shoutout to the squad that won the title Wednesday night.

1:59 left in 4th: We skip ahead out of sheer boredom, and Barkley is at it again. He says…”You should always be able to beat up one fan a game or one reporter a week. If I could get my hands on Jay Mariotti and Skip Bayless, I’d beat em like a drum.” Here here, Chuck. Arguably the two biggest pieces of garbage in the media deserve that and then some.

I’m ending the madness at this point because I can’t watch Jannero Pargo play anymore tonight. It’s given me a headache, nausea and flu like symptoms all at once. Leave it to the Bulls to lay an egg on this night when I have the running diary planned, Barkley in the house, and a chance to impress Dwyane Wade. Like the song I quoted before…Only the Bulls…. Damn I wish this season ended yesterday.