They say everything is bigger in Texas, and, yes, the 59th NBA All-Star weekend was indeed just that. It was a bigger- than- life 3 days that drew the kind of crowds  Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, and Dallas Cowboys owner, Jerry “Plastic Face” Jones, envisioned when they planned this event. It was  quite a site seeing the players look at the giant scoreboard in awe. The celebrities were in the house as well (Gabrielle Union was my favorite). Even Spike Lee made an appearance. Love him or hate, I have to give Spike his due for supporting his putrid Knicks. However, bigger doesn’t always equal better, or, in this instance, even good. As a guy who loves the NBA, I watched every event over the 3 day period, and, yes, even the C-List celebrity game. I know that All-Star weekend is a celebration of the game, but the events over the 3 days were beyond boring. They almost made me switch to the Olympics. The only interesting thing that I noticed on NBC’s coverage of the winter games was the dialogue between Bob Costas and Al Michaels on Saturday. It was interesting only because I couldn’t decide which of the two was taller. It ate at me for the rest of the night. The best parts of the All-Star weekend were Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, Ernie Johnson, and Chris Webber talking trash back and forth. It was the only thing that I enjoyed. Let’s run down the events and how the NBA can revamp them in time for the 2011 All-Star weekend.

Remove Reggie Miller from all events: Reggie will be brought up again later, but I have to list him first. He is such a bad announcer that I have been secretly missing Isiah Thomas’ broadcasting skills. Yes, it’s that bad. Miller sounds like he has a mouth full of donuts, and his outrageous comments only further ruin his credibility. He has said some of the dumbest things you’ve ever heard over the past two years, including this gem, regarding the Bulls’ Tyrus Thomas…”I’m telling you, Tyrus Thomas should average a quadruple double.” Yea, Reggie, maybe if the categories were dumb shots, yelling at his coach, turnovers and screaming at refs like he’s a star player. Make Reggie Miller go away. The TNT broadcast is perfect, but Miller’s asinine comments severely hurt the best sports coverage on television.

Cowboys Stadium was filled the rafters on Sunday as 108,713 people packed into Jerry's World. Here's guessing only 137 actually saw the action.

The Celebrity Game: There isn’t much that can save this thing. It’s a really tough watch– especially seeing out  of shape guys like Chris Tucker, who has apparently given up hope of starring in action movies again. I did enjoy Michael Rapaport shutting down Terrell Owens (The game’s MVP the last two years). Rapaport always makes this game somewhat funny, but watching T.O. throw up bricks brought a smile to my face. This clown once said he could play in the NBA if he wanted to.  Those thoughts can now be laid to rest after his performance Friday night. Almost as idiotic is Owens saying he could have broken Jerry Rice’s records if he had Rice’s quarterbacks. Here’s a suggestion, no more aging NBA players in this game…..Please?! Watching Robert Horry look like Will Smith in a fat suit is just painful. I want to remember the 7-Time NBA Champ the right way, and not gimping up and down chasing the Harlem Globetrotters around. Suggestion 2: Put hot girls in the game. I don’t need to see Nancy Lieberman….ever. Give me Alyssa Milano or a couple WWE Divas, but no more Lieberman. I would even be cool with having some football players participate. Hey, if they don’t want to play in the Pro-Bowl, they could be persuaded to show up at All-Star weekend. Who doesn’t? The amount of hot women, parties, weed, and numerous other activities is enough to get other athletes there–now just put them in the celebrity game. One last thing, does Magic Johnson not have anything else better to do than coach this game? Come on Earvin?!! You’re one of the best players to ever play the sport, and your coaching this game?! I guess Magic isn’t happy with his short term stint as Lakers coach in the ‘93-’94 season. Actually, come to think of it, as long as Magic isn’t announcing anymore, I guess that’s a win for NBA fans. Never mind, keep it up coach Johnson. We’ll be needing you for future celebrity games.

The H-O-R-S-E Competition: Even my man- crush on the 2-time winner, Kevin Durant, can’t save this thing.  Again, the only cool part of this was C-Webb, Barkley and Kenny jawing as if they were in it. Come to think of it, they should have been. No “swish” calls, no opposite hand shots, NOTHING. I did like Durant using the help of some Thunder fans for one of his shots. Do away with this now, unless Barkley and the boys participate and talk trash the whole time.

The Rookies vs Sophomores Game: This has been my favorite event of the past few years, but this year’s game put me to sleep. No, seriously, it was that bad. Is it possible for guys other than the Bulls Taj Gibson and the Spurs Dejuan Blair to take the game somewhat seriously and not make an And-One Tour? I love watching the future stars of the league, but the league has to up the winning team’s money to entice these guys to play hard. That or give the winning team a pound of Rasheed Wallace’s weed. That is, if the NBA tested for Marijuana….What, you thought they did?!

Side Note: As I commented before the game, of all of the young stars in this game, Tyreke Evans would be my  pick  to start my team.  I couldn’t care less that he won MVP honors, but, boy, that kid is a player. People may say he isn’t a long term point guard, but what he will be is a perennial All-Star combo guard for years to come.

Steve Nash won the Skills Challenge without breaking a sweat. Nash was all over the place this weekend, including being a part of the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics.

The Skills Challenge: This remedial event for the game’s best point guards is one of those things that you say to yourself “I think I can do that”. It lost it’s luster for me when Derrick Rose pulled out, but old man river, Steve Nash, upstaged the younger Brandon Jennings, Deron Williams and Russell Westbrook. You had to love seeing the young guys look at Nash like “Can you believe this old guy is doing this?!” Nash is a marvel at 36 years old, and I feel bad for him that he plays for the cheapest owner in basketball and will never be on title team. The Suns were screwed in 2007 by David Stern with the dumbest ruling ever (suspending Amare Stoudemire for leaving the bench), and ruining the Suns best chance a championship.

The 3 Point Contest: The best event all weekend hands down. I picked the Warriors, Stephen Curry, to win, and the Warriors rookie nearly won it. The Celtics Paul Pierce won the event and somehow made me hate Kevin Garnett even more than I did. What is it with Garnett and his constant trash talking? It’s one thing when you’re the best power forward in the game, but KG’s words don’t hold water anymore. Maybe that’s because he’s a shell of his former self. There is nothing worse than a player thinking he’s still at the pinnacle of his powers. That’s where we are at with Garnett. It’s sad, and much like Shaq, he can’t go away gracefully. The only thing I would change about the 3 point contest is muting Reggie Miller’s microphone and not telling him. How great would that be? Miller is so awful that I watched the events Saturday night on mute. He is so atrocious at broadcasting that I was begging for Charles Barkley or Kenny Smith to choke him out midway through the first round of the shootout.

The 2nd Worst Dunk Contest EVER: That’s exactly what it was. The 2001 dunk contest takes my vote as worst ever, but this was nearly as unwatchable. Kudos to Barkley and Kenny Smith for pointing that out. It was uncomfortable bad. Kind of like when your drunk friend mans up on the liquid courage and hits on the hottest girl in the bar and proceeds to stumble over words. I couldn’t handle watching it. Nate Robinson won his 3rd dunk contest, and was fairly impressive, but Demar Derozan and Gerald Wallace were average. The biggest letdown, however, was Shannon Brown of the Lakers. Let Shannon Dunk? No thank you….I’m good. I was surprised at Brown because he is a great in-game dunker, but that didn’t translate to the contest. For future dunk offs, either get the big names (I’d love to see D Rose in it next year) or cancel the whole thing. My suggestion: drum roll please…..The Bad White Guy Game. Think how funny this would be! Brad Miller on the block battling it out against Matt Bonner and Andrew Bogut. Luke Ridnour and Nenad Kristic playing pick and roll basketball at slow motion speeds. I think I’m on to something….

Side Note: This was to be the contest that MeBron James was supposed to enter, but from what I hear, it was his time of the month and he couldn’t participate.

The Bulls Derrick Rose played well in limited minutes in his 1st All-Star Game. Rose showed he belonged, and will be back for many more All-Star Games in the future.

The 59th NBA All-Star Game: The highlight of the weekend was another alley-oop fest that was a horrible watch. Usher proved that he was still alive with a bad opening performance that, again, had me reaching for the mute button. The highlight of the night was the halftime show. Between Shakira coming out in a cage, and Alicia Keys doing her thing, it was fantastic. The NBA….Where Sexy Halftime Shows Happen! I was hoping that the they were going to cancel the remainder of the game and just let Shakira and Alicia perform for the rest of the night. We weren’t that lucky, but the game did have an exciting finish. The East prevailed 141-139, when Carmelo Anthony missed a 3 at the buzzer on another horribly drawn up in-bounds play by George Karl. Speaking of Karl, has there ever been two coaches who looked like Charlie Weis in the same game like Karl and Orlando’s Stan Van Jeremy? My God, get those two an exercise bike. Chicago’s own, Dwyane Wade, brought home the MVP honors with 28 points and 11 assists, 6 rebounds and 5 steals. Like most Bulls fans, I’m hoping Wade is representing the locals at the 2011 All-Star Game. So, how to improve the Sunday Showcase? Well, maybe making the players watch tapes from the All-Star Games from the 80’s would be a start. Those games were competitive as hell, and had a lot on the line. Mostly pride. Today’s players all are buddies and it shows in these games. Much like the Rookie-Sophomore game, up the money for the winning team, and make the losing team fly back to their respective cities in coach. That, and make the losing team have a mandatory drug test every two weeks for the rest of the season. You don’t think that would work? I don’t believe you. The last 3 minutes were very entertaining, and if these guys played the full 48 that way, it would be a great watch. It’s why guys like Joe Johnson and Derrick Rose don’t shine in these kind of games. They are BASKETBALL players who just want to play the game, not turn it into a “Look at me show” like MeBron makes it every year. This was a great experience for Rose, and seeing him with the other best players in the world was good for his confidence, and he has to know now that he belongs on this stage. Now, let’s hope that his unselfish nature had an effect on D Wade, Bosh, and Johnson when they make their decisions this July.

So, there you have it. Just a few ways to improve the game I love on the league’s biggest weekend. Just a tweak here and there, a drug test threat, players flying coach, the all white guys game, and more money to the winners. You telling me this wouldn’t work? You’re probably the same person who didn’t like Shakira and her cage…..

Shakira's hips sure didn't lie on Sunday night. Her performance with Alicia Keys was the best part of the NBA All-Star Game.