The marathon NFL season has concluded its regular season, and it’s on to money time. Winning time, Jordan time, Louie time, whatever you prefer. The playoffs start this weekend with 4 games (3 of which are rematches from week 17) to open Wild Card weekend. This year’s playoffs are as wide open as any in recent memory. Somewhere Pete Rozelle is smiling as his vision of parity is running the NFL one mediocre team at a time. Before we look forward to this weekend’s games, I am here to present the 1st annual Louie Awards. They are my individual awards for the season– with a couple twists. I also will rank the top 8 (my favorite number) worst NFL broadcasting teams on TV. It was hard to list only 8, but for time sake that’s what we are going with. Now then, onto The 2009 Louie Awards…….

2009 NFL M.V.P: Peyton Manning -Colts: The Colts were marching through the 2009 season 14-0 when their half dead coach Jim Caldwell decided to pull their starters in week 16 vs the Jets thus allowing the Jets to back into the playoffs. I understand the Colts philosophy is to rest guys once they have everything locked up. I get it. I just don’t agree with how they went about it. Why wouldn’t you let the guys who busted their ass all year try and finish 16-0? With the league getting ready to crown a 44th Champion, it’s getting harder to remember all the great teams. Now, if the Colts would have finished 19-0, would you always remember them regardless of how good you think they are? Better believe you would. Anyway my M.V.P is Manning because without him, the Colts are borderline pathetic. Have you seen Curtis Painter or Jim Sorgi? The Sheriff wins his 4th League M.V.P award and is looking for his 2nd SuperBowl title. His 33 Touchdowns and 4,405 yards were typical Manning numbers in another outstanding season.

I am also giving Manning The Bill Russell Do It All Award. Russell was a player-coach for the Celtics for 3 seasons (1966-69) and considering the fact that Manning calls plays, runs the team, coaches the team, and is the most important person in the state of Indiana, he wins his 2nd Louie Award.

2009 NFL Offensive Player of the Year Award: Chris Johnson -Titans: The guy I dubbed Barry Sanders 2.0 had a Tecmo SuperBowl season. He became the 6th player in NFL history to rush for 2,000 yards in a season. He also eclipsed Marshall Faulk’s record for total yards from scrimmage in a season with 2,509. The number 1 pick in Fantasy Football in 2010 is just entering his prime, and the thought of CJ2K having another season like he did in ’09 is like saying Kevin Durant will win an NBA MVP award. Speaking of Tecmo SuperBowl………….

That leads me to The Bo Jackson Video Game Baller of the Year: Chris Johnson -Titans. Just think what he might do for an encore knowing he’ll have Vince Young as his quarterback from week one next year?!

2009 Defensive Player of the Year: Darrelle Revis -J-E-T-S: Revis has become the best cover corner in the game. He’s on Champ Bailey level. His 54 tackles and 6 INT’s were only part of the story. Look what he did against some of the best wide receivers in the game……..

Revis limited Houston’s Andre Johnson to 4 catches for 35 yards.

Revis then went up against Randy Moss and Tom Brady. Moss’ day? 4 catches, 24 yards and a interception.

Marques Colston???? 2 catches for 38 yards.

Terrell Owens???? 3 catches for 13 yards.

Steve Smith???? 2 catches for 2 yards. 2!!!!!

He has become ’94 Deion Sanders, completely taking away one side of the field for the league’s number 1 defense. Honorable mention goes out to Green Bay’s Charles Woodson and San Francisco’s Patrick Willis (NFL leading 147 tackles, 4 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, 3 interceptions, and 6 pass deflections), but to me there isn’t an argument of who wins the 2009 NFL Defensive Player of the Year.

Darrelle Revis might just be the best cover corner in the NFL since Deion Sanders.

2009 NFL Rookie of the Year: Brian Cushing -Texans: Cushing was selected to the pro-bowl in his rookie season after posting 128 tackles and 4 INT’s for the oh- so- close Texans. One of these years the Texans will make the playoffs. No, really they will! With Mario Williams, Cushing, and Dunta Robinson, the Texans have stud players at each level of their defense. Once they jettison Kris “Norwood” er Brown they should finally make that quantum leap to January football.

2009 NFL No-Show Defensive Player of the Year: Tommie Harris -Bears: In a move as predictable as another bad Hulk Hogan comeback, Bears tackle Tommie Harris conveniently showed up for the team’s last two games (one of course was a Monday Night game) to show he still had some game left. Did he do it because he wanted to go out on a good note? No chance. Harris showed up because he’s due a $3 million dollar bonus in March which the Bears hopefully won’t pick up. I’m asking Bears GM Jerry Angelo to show some foresight and not fall in love with Harris’ last two games. I know 3 technique tackles don’t grow on trees, but be smart Jerry. He’s fooling you like Eddy Curry had the Bulls fooled before his heart issue. The “Real Deal” needs to be let go. You can always sign him at a lower salary number after you cut him. Do not trust Tommie Harris. The Bears already have more than $100 million committed to players for the 2010 season, and there are some expensive veterans (Vasher $4.91 million, Urlacher $10.32 million, and Tillman $ 4.81 million). Hardly a bargain for aging ,injured players. Harris’ cap number for 2010? $8.78 million. Like I said, cut him and be done with him. Did someone mention Jerry Angelo????????

2009 Mike Ditka Cripple Your Teams Future Award: Jerry Angelo -Bears: Who else could this go to? John Paxson yes, but these are NFL Awards. The “General” forked over two 1st round draft picks, a 3rd, and Kyle Orton for Jay Cutler. Cutler played great in the final two games, but the jury is still out. Why is the jury out? Because “Cuttles” remains a baby who needs to be coddled. The Bears will bring in a new offensive coordinator, but not before checking with his highness first. What a joke. That trade was a big gamble with no guarantee, but the Gaines Adams to Tampa for a 2nd round pick was Elton Brand for Tyson Chandler bad. The 2010 NFL draft is said to be as deep and full of talent as any in recent memory, and of course the Bears don’t have a 1 or a 2. Hey, anytime you can trade a 2nd round pick for a skinny stiff who made 17 tackles on the year, you have to do it. Somehow this clown is coming back in 2010? Only the Bears would retain a guy with his track record. Remember his draft day deal of Thomas Jones and 2 to the Jets for their 2nd round pick? Angelo then used that pick on Dan Bazuin. The defense rests…..Congrats Jerry!

2009 NFL Comeback Player of the Year: Vince Young -Titans: The Titans turnaround from 0-6 to 8-8 was helped by the re-birth of Vince Young. The forgotten man in the Titans 13-3 2008 reclaimed the starter’s job from Kerry Collins and never looked back. Young still has a long way to go as a passer, but his 99 yard touchdown drive in the final minutes to beat Arizona showed why he was the number 3 pick in the ’06 draft.

2009 Biggest Turd of the Year: Chad Ochocinco -Bengals: The biggest side-show look- at -me clown in the NFL pulled up lame in warm-ups the other night with an apparent “knee injury”. Ha. I’m not buying it. This seems fishy to me. Is your knee hurt Chad or are you copping out knowing Darrelle Revis will shut you down twice in two weeks? Ochostinko’s knee injury is similar to when a “heel” wrestler fakes an injury to get out of match vs the baby face good guy. It’s like Shawn Michaels faking a knee injury in ’97 to avoid a WrestleMania rematch with Bret Hart. Don’t think it’s possible? Then you don’t know Chad Johnson.

2009 NFL Coach of the Year: Mike McCarthy -Packers: The 11-5 Packers head into this weekends playoffs riding high after winning 7 out of their last 8 games. McCarthy has helped develop Aaron Rodgers into a pro-bowl quarterback, hired Dom Capers to run his defense, and led a seamless transition from Favre to Rodgers. The Favre fiasco could have crippled other teams, but McCarthy and Rodgers said all the right things, and have performed at a high enough level to make the cheesehead faithful confident in the future.

2009 Rich Kotite Coaching Idiot of the Year: Tom Cable -Raiders: Where to start with this guy? I’ll keep it straight football. We don’t need to mention that he punched out one of his assistant coaches (breaking Randy Hanson’s jaw in the process) or that he apparently likes beating up women (he allegedly beat up two ex-wives and an ex girlfriend). Cable could pass for an NBA player. I don’t care about how his team had a winning record against other teams with winning records. He is another in the long line of bad moves Al Davis has made to ruin his once proud franchise. Speaking of Tales From The Crypt……..

The committee of one (me) would like to award Al Davis with The 2009 (Dollar Bill) William W. Wirtz Award: Congrats Al, you win the worst owner in sports award. Whether it’s your refusal to hire a football czar to run your fading franchise, your inexplicable coaching hires, drafting JaBADcus Russell, or passing on Michael Crabtree to select a guy who wouldn’t have been drafted anywhere before the 20th pick (Darrius Heyward-BAD) you are number one.

NFL Game of the Year November 15, 2009: Colts 35 Patriots 34- The 4th and 2 game as it’s known was as entertaining as it got in 2009. Manning and Brady at their best on national TV. This will be remembered as the game Bill Bellichek showed just how deathly afraid he is of Peyton Manning.

There you have it, the first ever Louie Awards for the 2009 NFL season.

With the playoffs starting this weekend it brings to light the worst part of every game…..the announcers. It has gotten to the point where I have taken Peyton Manning’s advice and watch games on mute. What– you haven’t tried it yet? It’s not bad. I mean if you like guys pronouncing names wrong be my guest. I have noticed this more and more this year with the RedZone channel taking me from game to game. You hear all of these jokers for 6 hours, and it makes my head hurt worse than a George Lopez comedy special or a Lovie Smith press conference. This got me to thinking and I decided to put together a list of the worst NFL broadcasting teams on TV. Here then are my top 8……..

8. Sam Rosen and Tim Ryan- Fox: Sam Rosen is on this list because he reminds me of the character Maury from Goodfellas. Annoying, loud, and never knows when to shut up. Tim Ryan is another on the long list of John Madden wannabes that Fox hired over the years. If you are watching your team play and these two are doing the game –two things, one your team isn’t good at football, and two, try and count how many times”T-Rock” gets in Madden mode and over analyzes a simple line stunt.

7. Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, and Tony Siragusa- Fox: This group makes my top 8 for one reason……Captain obvious ,Fat Siragusa. My hatred for this guy goes deep. I’ll never forget this gem he once chimed in with….”Ya know Moose it’s really loud down here”. No kidding “Goose” it’s a damn 70,000 seat football stadium! The biggest problem with this guy is he cuts off Johnston at every turn. Johnston is insightful and to the point. He doesn’t treat you like an idiot who’s never watched a game by telling you how big Bryant Mckinnie is. Nor does Johnston ever feel the need to say just how cold it is on the field. Thanks “Goose”– I live in Chicago, I know how cold it gets here in the winter. Come to think of it, these guys should be higher on my list. Nevermind, I just reviewed it again, and no matter how bad Siragusa is, I can’t put them higher than…….

6. Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf- CBS: I like Gumbel. Especially how he says Chicago. He pronounces it so perfectly I want to record it and send it to Mike North right now. These guys makes my top 8 because of Dierdorf. To say Dierdorf has lost his fastball is like saying Madonna has lost her looks. It gets uncomfortably awkward when Dierdorf is bumbling names while he’s downing a pizza. Seriously, he sounds like he’s got a mouth full of tator-tots when he’s doing a game.

5. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms- CBS: Your SuperBowl XLIV broadcast team everybody! This should be painfully bad. Nantz is very good…….doing golf……and even college hoops. Football? No. As for Simms, he really brings this team down. His southern drawl bothers me worse than watching his son play quarterback. Simms has also mastered the art of taking too long to explain his thought and in the process cutting off Nantz’s call. Have fun Super Sunday with these two. I’m telling you– the mute button is your friend.

Enjoy these two calling SuperBowl XLIV. They are worse than those blue CBS sport jackets they wear.

4. Bob Papa and Matt Millen- NFL Network: People forget that Matt Millen was a really good broadcaster while working with Dick Stockton on FOX in the 90′s. He’s still good, but lazy idiots point to his failed experiment as the Lions GM and think he doesn’t know football. Sorry people, he does. The reason these two are high on this list is the New York blowhard Bob Papa. If I hear him say “he’s really good in space” one more time, they are moving up the list. Plus, if you like a guy who will throw in Giants references at any opportunity, then you will love this guy. Hey, anytime you can replace Bryant Gumbel with Bob Papa, you have to do it. That’s like going from Dick Jauron to Lovie Smith. C’mon NFL Network, you’re better than that.

3. Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick- FOX: Brennaman should make this list for two reasons: his father and how his name is spelled. What, I can’t do that? Fine. How about how he slobbered all over himself last year at the end of Florida vs Oklahoma National Championship Game praising Lord Teblows? It was as annoying as it gets, and Brennaman couldn’t be any worse this year. He calls a decent game, but goes so far over the top praising people and ripping anything Chicago I can’t stand it. We get it Thom– you aren’t a Jay Cutler fan. As for Billick, he has stayed in the booth long enough to prove he doesn’t have a thought, and doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers for future employment. What does this dynamic duo have in common? The most boring 3 hours you can have on a fall Sunday afternoon.

2. Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth- NBC: Once again, one man leads his team to the list of bad. I think Collinsworth is really good. I learn something everytime I watch one of his games. He is a much better announcer than he was a player. However, raging annoyance Al Michaels puts this duo at number 2. His smug attitude and know-it-all geniousness(Jerry Angelo special right there) are as lame as the year Michaels was the voice of the NBA on ABC. Michaels has a distinct voice, but too many times the game becomes about him. Again…..MUTE BUTTON.

1. Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, and Jon Gruden- The Boo-Yaas: How could the 3 stooges not be number 1? Honestly. The 3 hour love fest that commenced right on time for 16 weeks was enough to make me long for Eric Dickerson and Joe Theismann. Okay, maybe not, but you get the point. Every week “Jaws” and “Chucky” would fall over themselves talking up every player in the league like they were Hall of Famers. These guys could make you think a backup offensive guard was star. Gruden is the most guilty because in real life he doesn’t love everyone and everything. The night of the Packers vs Vikings game was embarrassing. It was let’s drool at the feet of Brett Favre all night because people want to hear it. It’s a tired act by a network that scripts everything they do. What happened to just calling a game? Ya know–like how Pat Summerall and John Madden did in their primes. Those two called the game and that was it. They let the game speak for itself. Sure Madden went on his rants, and later in his career became just another talking head, but in their primes nobody was better. What you forgot what that sounded like? Here you go………

There it is, my top 8 worst NFL broadcast tandems on TV. I wish football broadcasts were more about the game and not all the fluff that they are. Just wait until this weekend and throughout the playoffs– it will get worse and worse through the SuperBowl. This list may make me sound like I don’t like any broadcasters, but that is simply not true. I have a personal favorite at CBS who does both NFL and College basketball games. Gus Johnson. Gus could make a chess match compelling. I want to hire him to broadcast our next fantasy draft just for the pure entertainment. Could you imagine Gus calling my pick of Barry Sanders 2.0…..”with the first pick Louie selects….Chris Johnson…….AHH HAA!” It would be fantastic. He makes the games he’s calling……fun. Isn’t that what sports should be about anyway? I don’t need the over the top garbage that my list of 8 gives you. Give me Gus Johnson every week and I’d be all good.

It’s Wild Card Weekend in the NFL and here are my picks for the 4 games. Home team in CAPS……..

BENGALS -2.5 vs Jets- I’ll take the Bengals at home vs the rookie quarterback all day.

Eagles +4 vs COWBOYS- The Eagles can’t play as bad in consecutive weeks, can they? What happens if the Cowboys get down early? Do they pull a Cubs and start to think about past playoff failures? I think it may happen.

PATRIOTS -4 vs Ravens- Julian Edelman will prove to be an adequate replacement for Wes Welker. I think the Patriots will run the ball effectively enough to advance to round 2.

CARDINALS -2.5 vs Packers- Last week was an aberration for the Cards. I still have no idea why Cards coach Ken Whisenhunt had Larry Fitzgerald in the game in the 4th quarter, but that’s another story. Even if Anquan Boldin doesn’t play, I think Kurt Warner makes all the difference. Did you see how bad Matt (Beer Bong) Leinart was last week? How was he drafted in the top 10 again? I forgot, Dennis Green drafted him. That explains everything.

Last week: 10-6

Season: 71-62-5