Ode To Timmy Teblows

This has been a tough 3 day stretch looking for something to write about in the world of sports. I would argue that this is the worst weekend of the sports year. Bad college basketball, PBA bowling, and early season PGA golf is about all you will find this weekend. I’m calling this DVR weekend because if you have shows stashed on your DVR, this is the weekend to catch up on them. The biggest thrill for me this week was watching the Senior Bowl practices on NFL Network. What did I find??? I found the biggest farce college football has ever produced. Timmy Teblows, at the Senior Bowl practices, was there looking worse than Jeff Ross during Dancing With The Stars. Fumbling snaps, stumbling on his drop back, missing open un-covered receivers, and proving once and for all he isn’t an NFL prospect. Watching that was almost as uncomfortable as his creepy relationship with his former coach Urban Meyer. To top it off, he came down with a fever (probably the worst fever any human has ever suffered from– seriously, he apparently had a fever of 112) that was a cover up for his horrendous showing. In a down draft for quarterback prospects, this was Teblows’ chance to show he could translate his collegiate success to the NFL game. Now? Well, now he’s projected to go anywhere from the 5th round to the 7th and final round. If I was running an NFL team, I wouldn’t take him if the draft was 37 rounds deep. His slow and long release takes longer than Dan Hampton trying to put together a sentence when he’s on the radio. This, of course, didn’t stop the people of Focus on the Family from purchasing a Super Bowl ad that will feature Teblows and his mother in a pro-life 30 second cringe fest. I don’t care whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, but the balls on this self-loving ass-hat to do this commercial on the biggest football day of the year is appalling. It will feature a story of Pam getting sick on a mission trip in the Philippines, ignoring doctors orders to abort the child, and giving birth to God himself. What a joke. This will be as annoying as the biblical verses he wears on his eye black. Only a guy like this would want to do a Super Bowl ad with the entire country watching knowing what kind of reaction it will get. He’s got the ego the size of his ex-girlfriends breasts. It’s one thing that this guy cannot play quarterback, but the way he carries himself (better than you, he just won’t say it) is embarrassing to anyone with a pulse. I have news for Thom Brennaman– Teblows isn’t the only college athlete to have ever done charity work and help the less fortunate. That is what has made the Senior Bowl practices so enjoyable this week. God, in cleats, has been revealed as a bigger fraud than Tim Couch, Akili Smith, Joey Harrington, Heath Schuler, or Ryan Leaf ever were. They at least can take a snap from center. My hope is this Sunday will be the last time we see Teblows in any form. I’m guessing his holy words will carry a lot less weight once he’s riding an NFL bench. Riding an NFL bench is exactly where he will be in the 2010 season. There have been rumors of the Jacksonville Jaguars taking him in the 1st round or trading up in the 2nd round to grab him just to sell tickets. Good luck with that. The same team that took Matt Jones because he was an “Athlete” would do something so ridiculous like that just to put asses in seats. Watching that low release of his was borderline uncomfortable. The NFL is about quick decisions, quick reactions, and quick execution– all things Lord Teblows lacks in spades. The Urban Meyer offense for God was one read and take off. His game simply doesn’t translate to the NFL level, and he he isn’t fast enough to play tight end or linebacker like some have suggested.

Tim Tebow better be ready for a position change if he wants to continue playing fooball.

Tim Tebow better get used to the idea of playing a position other than quarterback at the NFL level.

We unfortunately are in an era where athletes make juvenile decisions that border on sheer stupidity. So, when athletes like Teblows come around, we laud them and praise everything they do. Personally I couldn’t care less what Tebow does off the field because I know that he is one of many who give their time to help people who truly need it. We don’t celebrate any other college athletes for that because they don’t have the apparent skills of Lord Teblows. He has been shoved down our throats for four years by the morons at ESPN who treat him like he has cured cancer, solved health care, given Jessica Simpson confidence, made Jennie Garth look good in HD, and solved the Leno-Conan feud all in one fell swoop. It’s disgusting, and I’m tickled to pieces that the noodle arm is going away. People who draw attention to themselves for seemingly selfless acts of kindness are not fooling anyone with a brain. Teblows is the male equivalent of Oprah in this regard. The eye-sore celebrity of Chicago loves telling people just what she is doing for them, what she’s giving away, and about all the money she donates. Hey Oprah, here’s a message from the masses…..”We don’t give a shit what you give away. Do it and shut up about it.” Same goes for Teblows. I don’t need to hear about his mission work. I appreciate people who do charitable work and give their time without talking about it. It’s all about him having his followers bow at his feet telling him how great he is. All it does is cover up the fact he is a bad quarterback. His cult following will point out his SEC record for most rushing touchdowns in a career. Sweet. All that tells me is he is a good running back. Congrats Tim, you’re the NFL equal of Brad Muster. No, he is not a better college runner than some of the S.E.C.’s best like Herschel Walker, Dalton Hilliard, Shaun Alexander, Emmit Smith, Neal Anderson, or one of the best pure athletes EVER, Vincent “BO” Jackson. Also, those who say he is a better college quarterback than Vince Young need their heads examined.

The Lord Tebow love is unfortunate because he has overshadowed better players like Carlos Dunlap and Brandon Spikes.

Many people will say he’s a good college player and nothing more, stop hating on him. That would be fine if he didn’t carry himself like he was so much better than everyone and the media didn’t treat him like The Pope. It’s almost as ridiculous as him saying he doesn’t have sex with his girlfriend. Yea, sure, Tim. It’s all an act, and I have had enough. Only someone who truly believed he was better than everyone would carry on this charade that he portraits. That is why in this down week for sports I was able to find pure enjoyment on the NFL Network watching him look like he had never touched a football before. Best of luck in the future Timmy. As an NFL fan, I am elated that the myth of your football career is all but over, and you will never take over any of my Sundays.

Teblows looked like he had never played the quarterback position this week at The Senior Bowl.

Post Published: 31 January 2010
Author: LKR
Found in section: Louies Finest

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5 Responses to “Ode To Timmy Teblows”

Quick scan of the net – celebrity portraits « The Nineties says:

January 31, 2010 at 3:13 pm

[...] http://chicitysportsfan.com/wp/2010/01/ode-to-timmy-teblows/The eye-sore celebrity of Chicago loves telling people just what she is doing for them, what she’s giving away, and about all the money she donates. Hey Oprah, here’s a message from the masses…..”We don’t give a shit what you give away. … Only someone who truly believed he was better than everyone would carry on this charade that he portraits. That is why in this down week for sports I was able to find pure enjoyment on the NFL Network watching him look like he had … [...]
Jacko's T. Jacko's says:

January 31, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Louie, I love ya bro we’ve been friends since 6th grade and although I do agree with some statements you’ve made, I have to disagree and here’s why. Everyone has been talking shit about Tebow lately. It’s kind of funny that these people were blowing him when he was tearing up the college football world the last four years. Is he going to be a great NFL QB? Probably not! Even if his footwork is horrible, he drops his elbow too low when throwing, he doesn’t always make the right reads, he has hands down had, if not the most, the top five most dominating college football careers. Noone has worked harder, noone has shown integrity like he has. I guess where I get upset is that people are taking a great hardworking christian kid, and ripping him apart. Then, you look at a fat, lazy, ugly, good for nothing swindler like Cody the fatass DT from ALabama, and talk about how great he is and how every NFL team wants him. It’s not just this year, it’s every year it has just been more prevelant this year. Look at a guy like Mario Willams. Good guy, hard worker, great NFL player who deserves everything he gets. How many people talked shit about the Texans taking him with the first pick. I heard how great Lagarette Blount from Oregon “has really turned himself around and been a great guy and is going to be good in the league.” It’s all bullshit. Let’s stop glorifying these lazy, criminals and back a guy like Tebow. The Blount thing is hilarious. That motherfucker should be drying cars at a fucking carwash, he’s a no good criminal who probably has 16 kids and doesn’t pay a lick of child support. What has he learned from all this. I can do whatever I want because no matter what, some nerdy white pussy will pay me because I can play football. This world is shot. I’m getting so pissed right now, I wanna fight anyone. It’s a travesty, and if I could say what I really wanted to say, you would get my point even better. I don’t know if that made any sense but I had to get it off my chest because it’s been killing me even before I read this article. Lou I’m out.
LKR says:

January 31, 2010 at 5:44 pm

That’s why you are the man Jackos. I agree some of the thugs in college sports are an embarrassment, but they don’t try and be anything other than what they are. Tebow thinks he is above everyone, and that SuperBowl ad will prove it. Who is he to tell people how to live their life?

I think he is a fraud who will eventually show his true colors.

Good luck with the baby,

Louie
uberVU - social comments says:

February 1, 2010 at 12:31 am

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by Louie_Ruffolo8: Just posted my Ode To Timmy Teblows piece for my website. Here ya go…http://chicitysportsfan.com/wp/2010/01/ode-to-timmy-teblows/…
Gaston Montiel says:

February 25, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Hi, I often read your blog.I love it, you talk about anything from sport, news, entertainment, adult topics or just general topics. Keep up the good work.